Learning to Love

So it’s my partner’s and I anniversary today. Our story is pretty typical…. we met at a bar… and after a year of fooling around we finally decided to make it exclusive . That night we had a huge blowout me and him and I said so after messing around for a year, it obviously looks like we really like each other…so let’s do this.. he said “fine whatever,  you want to be together then let’s be together”…then the next day we broke up… it was Valentine’s Day I didn’t want to force him to be with me. Yous should never have to force another person to love you or to be with you. it really is up to that person and their spirit and where they are at that particular moment in their life and that’s OK it’s tough but it’s OK… now before I met him I had been through a slew of…I would say men but now that I’m older I can look back and say boys and they all never saw me for who I was. They would take that one thing that they didn’t like about me and would emphasize on that which would in turn make me change who I truly was…

 I have had three intense relationships and some in between throughout my time on this earth. 

The first when I was 17 and it was nice to have somebody who wanted to be just be with me… to say I had a boyfriend… it was a nice feeling… it lasted for two years…it was within a church and so pressure of having to stay committed with one person for the rest of my life was a little much for one girl to handle. I began to pull away not only from the church but from the relationship because I felt like there was a lot of hypocritical judgement if you can call it that. I wanted to know what else was out there…. I asked the Universe this time for someone who had a little flavour. That means someone who knows how to move and is fun to be with…. and low and behold a year later I was I had met boyfriend number two…

He approached me at work by having his friend give me a note that he had written. It said that he wanted to get to know me more and here was his number and if I wanted to talk I should give them a call. obviously I did. me and him would talk for hours we willcall him Aquarius because that was his sign. He was sweet like an Aquarius a little level headed, really kind and generous when he wanted to be. he also liked his space which is something that I wasn’t really used to.I didn’t have that many boyfriends and so meeting him was something special…so different…I was 19 and he was 25… we connected.  he was still an ass when he didn’t want me around he just wouldn’t have me around he would do everything he could to push me away… we were together fully for two years and then I guess in total off and on for a year so all together three. I always feel like when you pass the three-year mark you really get to talk about where the relationship could be going and we both talked about marriage for a while and then it just fizzled out… was like I knew him from another lifetime and if I had to take the good out of it was that he taught me that you cannot have your partner hold up your entire city. only you can hold up the entire city within your mind . There should be no one thing or one person that should make any piece of any of your buildings crash and if it does it’s OK , just make sure you take the time to repair before you move on… when we broke up…he broke up with me. I allowed a lot of my buildings to crash… and it took a long time of me partying and not caring and then caring a little bit to repair a lot of the buildings that I allowed myself to watch fall to the ground… I started to date. what we now call fuck boys in between and then I asked the universe for someone tall dark and handsome. All of my friends were settling down and didn’t really want to go out anymore so I thought well I guess it’s time …and I met my partner now who I will call Aries because he is an Aries. He became a part of a fuck boy crew. Now as cute as he was I also knew that most boys who are out at clubs and bars only want one thing. we women are looking for one thing that will eventually lead to more than one thing, but boys at a club only want one thing and so I took it for what it was with no care, just having fun..our fun was very passionate and still is… he is 6’7and I’m 5’1. Even with his hieight we challenge each other’s minds in a way that allows us to heal and grow…. but it wasn’t easy… two years into our relationship I got pregnant and we had our son and began living together all at once…. it happened so fast. We lasted three years together and split right after I found out we were going to have baby number two… they call it twin flames…. someone you were with in your past life and are meant to be with in this lifetime… they say twin flames always take time apart because they need to rekindle the fire that was once lost in time. We came back together in 2009 with a 4 year old and a soon to be 2year old girl… and exactly 3 years later in 2012 we were blessed with another beautiful girl… (we’re done)… Now when I say it wasn’t easy I say that because we went through a period of him taking advantage of me and of the relationship, not realizing it’s worth. I can’t put all the blame on him I hold up my own city and I allowed him to take advantage of me and of our relationship as I did to him as well. I just wanted a partner in my life and perhaps I was just using him as a crutch and so when I made the decision to leave him,  I was able to stand on my own 2 feet and I grew up a little bit and I realized what was worth fighting for not just my kids but myself I had to do a lot of soul-searching. I had to ask a lot of questions and I had to sit quietly a lot and listen to what that voice in my head was telling me. In our relationship through the bad times and the good times I got to grow. I got to get dirty with it but I also got to come out of that dirt on to greener pasture, which is where I can finally say I am with him and I think he can say the same thing about me.

Find that one person that brings that glorious light out from within you. that person should bring that light out in you that already shines within they will love you when it’s dim and when it’s bright. 
So why learning to love. When you learn to love each situation and each person for what they brought to the table you not only learn a little bit about your self and how you react in situations and in relationships. you also grow from these relationships and in the end learn to love yourself.

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